This past week I was discussing the movie Suicide Squad with a coworker.  She had heard from another coworker that it was a “horrible movie”.  I began to defend it as not being so when she looked down at the Jared Leto shirt I was wearing and said in a dismissive tone, “Well you’re a Jared Leto fan. Of course you didn’t think it was horrible.” 

There it was.  The subtle sneer.  The dismissive tone.  The implication that I had a brainless infatuation with a man who is nothing more than a pretty face.  A condemnation in fact of my very life.  Not the first time it has happened, and certainly not to be the last.  The question is, “How do I explain?”

How do you tell someone that you owe your very life to the relationship they have just dismissed so casually?  People don’t like crazy.  They, for the most part, don’t understand what it is like to be surrounded by darkness.  To have The Maniae descend and refuse to leave without at least a pound of flesh.

A bullied child I was always on the outskirts of society.  I learned very quickly that it was less painful to be invisible than to be endlessly mocked for trying to find a place amongst the other children I grew up with.  So I sat with my books in corners and escaped to different worlds.  But invisibility equals profound loneliness.  People do not love what they cannot see.  After having learned to be invisible, l also quickly learned that to be happy, I needed to be anyone I could possibly be, other than myself. 

So, I tried.  I tried to reinvent myself but failed.  If I did overcome the invisibility, it was only long enough for people to see what they had no interest in seeing.  I eventually gave up until one day I things seemed to change.  Suddenly, there was someone who claimed he saw what others did not or refused to.  Like a fool, I believed.  I ached for it to be true.  He was not who I had dreamed of, but I was too afraid he would be the only one who could see me that I told myself it was time to reinvent again.  This time I would be who he wanted.  I would be “perfect” and he would stay.  For eight years, I tried.  It almost killed me.  I was reduced to a 97 pound shell of a human plagued by crippling anxiety and deep depression, but I tried.  I continued to wither under his scorn, his assurances that all my efforts were in vain, that I had not achieved even a bare minimum of acceptable much less perfection, and still I tried.  Until one day, I realized that he did not see me.  He saw what he believed to be human play dough.  A formless mass that he could force into becoming what he wanted, that could be “suitably trained”.  When he sneered that I couldn’t even be trained right, I suddenly gave up.

I left with nothing.  No money.  No job.  No home.  No self.  I quickly made plans to reinvent myself, but this time and for the first time, in my image.  Not his.  Not my parents’.  Not the world’s.  For a year, I tried.  For a year, The Maniae circled whispering in my ear that I would fail.  That I was nothing.   I failed miserably. 

For three years, I was stuck.  Every time I tried to get back up, I would make it to my knees, only to be knocked back down again.  The only solace I found was in the work of a man I had been somewhat familiar with over the years.  I had first seen him long ago on tv.  Then during that year I tried to live life on my terms, I would see him from time to time, his bright pomegranate Mohawk drawing my eye, his song bringing a temporary smile.  I sought him out during this three year cycle of torment.  The more I saw of him, the more I heard him sing, the more I found strength in his words.  I became a devoted disciple.  I instinctively knew that here was a man who had stared at the same darkness I had and had won.  In him was the great beauty that I knew was possible in the world.  I had seen glimpses of it in other things, but here it was in him shining like a beacon, rising above the pollution of the world, the pollution that constantly threatened to pull me under, pollution that could not touch him or the beauty. 

I clung to him.  As The Maniae continued to close in, I soon found myself struggling to even stay alive.  There was little hope left in my world.  I began to feel I would never be free of the swirling whirlpool of darkness that had me in its grip.  I lay, curled in a ball, listening.  Listening to Jared promise me that it was ok if I had fallen apart again as long as I got up again.  “I feel apart, but got back up again.”  I listened hoping that his words could give me the strength to try to get up again.  Hoping his words could keep me alive.  Against all odds, slowly I got back up.  I was able to stay on my knees long enough until one day, in a story for another time, I grabbed an opportunity and ran.  Ran from whirlpool.  Ran from The Maniae.  Ran toward Jared.  Now I find myself looking toward all manner of amazing things.  London, Scott, Simon, Hadley, Sergei.  And soon, Jared himself, again.

But she, like all the others, doesn’t want to hear this.  She just wants to dismiss my relationship as nothing more than a vapid like for a pretty face with no substance beneath it.

Alibi-Thirty Seconds to Mars

Thumbing a nose at humanity

A couple of days ago, I ran across this article regarding a proposed fashion project:

http://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/alexander-mcqueen-being-turned-leather-180959837/?utm_source=smithsoniandaily&no-ist

Am I the only one who finds this project just wrong on a very fundamental level?  What makes her any different then say a serial killer who wears the skin of their victim?  Or the Nazis and all of their macabre and evil experiments?

I believe that fashion plays a large role in how we non-verbally communicate with the world about who we are as a person.  This, to me, denies the very humanity at the core of fashion.  It becomes especially distasteful if you consider that Alexander McQueen died of suicide after a deeply unhappy life in which he struggled with the mental illness of depression.  That's right.  She wants to capitalize on something that is only available because a man was tortured to death by his own inner demons.

So, obviously, this is a topic that deserves scrutiny.  Consideration of it asks you to look deep within yourself and ask some serious questions about the fundamentals of humanity.  Please, comment below.  I am anxious to know if I am alone in my revulsion.

Tortured Beauty

A while back, one of you asked me what it was about Sergei Polunin and his story that I found so fascinating.  I wanted to answer the question completely and rightly.  My apologies, Cassidy, that it has taken so long for me to get around to answering.

I first discovered Sergei Polunin while watching the Phantom of the Opera 25th Anniversary concert that took place at the Royal Albert Hall in London in 2011.  He was performing the role of the Slave Master in the opening ballet.  Even though it was a relatively minor part, he stood out amongst all the others on the stage.  His athletic ability is easily seen, and when they showed the close-up of his face, I was forever under his spell.    

I immediately looked up his name in the credits and, as we all do when confronted with new knowledge, went immediately to Wikipedia to find out all that I could.

Sergei Polunin is a Ukranian ballet dancer, though not by his choice.  As he was growing up in the Ukraine, his mother felt there were only two choices for him to have a successful life: gymnastics or ballet.  She started Sergei in gymnastics at a very young age.  He studied until an illness sidelined him and left him behind his fellow classmates.  He then switched to ballet where he quickly established himself as an unparalleled talent.  It seems that Sergei had a natural aptitude for ballet rarely seen.  His physical ability allowed him to progress rapidly until he left all those around him far behind becoming a prodigy at a young age.  He was sent to England to study and by the age of 19 was named the youngest principle dancer ever for the Royal Ballet in London.  He had a life that millions of young dancers everywhere could only dream of.  He had a life he had not chosen.  He found himself trapped in a gilded cage.  Like any caged bird, he began to fight against his bonds longing for a freedom that seemed beyond his grasp.  He only found release in dancing, but it was dancing that was keeping him trapped.  It was the very talent within him that made him so in demand, yet that very talent that was slowly killing him.  There were rumors of drugs.  Of late night partying.  Of desperate unhappiness.  Until one day, he quit.  He walked in, hours before a show, and simply said, "Enough".  He was eviscerated in the press.  They called him spoiled.  They called him childish.  They called him a devil.  They called him the bad boy of ballet.  They called him irresponsible. 

Finally, it reached a point where he decided he would do one more dance, then never dance again.  Out of that, came this video. 

This took my breath away.  I fell in love with Sergei all over again.  Throughout out the dance, I could see him fighting, fighting against all the demons that had plagued him through the years.  Fighting against the very talent that allowed him to do the amazing things I was watching.  It seemed to be not just a ballet, but Sergei's life in visual form.  

Thankfully, this video quickly went viral.  Through it, millions of people around the world fell in love with Sergei as I had.  Perhaps best of all, the admiration and love this video spawned inspired Sergei to not leave dance.  It renewed his spirit and launched several projects that will keep him dancing for quite some time.  And in the past year, he has found love with a fellow Russian ballet dancer who has increased his love for ballet even more.

So that is Sergei's story in a very short version.  Why do I find it so compelling?  I have always had a deep love for beauty, but not the traditional ideas of beauty.  I am enthralled by beauty that is haunted.  I've shared this picture in other places, but I will use it here again as a visual example. 

So this is Glyn Philpot's Mask of a Dying Faun.  Why does this appeal to me?  It is the perfect example of beauty.  It is a gorgeous face, well-formed, strong, proud, with a touch of androgyny.  But it is not a happy face.  In its lines and planes, you see great sadness, introspection, and weariness as if the ugliness of the world weighs heavily on his shoulders.  It is a beauty that is perfect because it has risen above that very ugliness.  It has been touched but not overcome.  This is what I see when Sergei dances.  

I encourage you all to use Google to explore Sergei and his career.  Watch him dance.  Read interviews so you can learn about him in his own words.  Let him bring beauty into your world.  And as always all comments and discussion are welcome.  I hope you all fall in love as I have.  

I originally intended this to be the start of a project with a friend of mine in which we each reviewed a literary work or film, me from as US perspective and her from a British one.  However, the idea never really sparked her fancy.  Perhaps, I can persuade Malcolm to take up the Brit role.  Anyway, here is the first review.  If you haven't seen North and South, Netflix it immediately!!!

When I first watched this miniseries, I’ll admit my pervading thought was “Damn, does Richard Armitage EVER do happy?!”  To that point, my only experience of him had been seeing his incredibly depressing and enraging Guy of Gisborne in the BBC Robin Hood series.  I hated him because he made Jonas Armstrong suffer, and I defy anyone to watch that series and not become enamored to Armstrong’s insouciant charm!  Recently, while undergoing an revising of my opinion of Armitage (and as a starting point for this overall blog project), I decided to give this one another go.

I, along with several others it seems, was struck by some strong similarities to Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice but not exact parallels.  John Thornton, played by Kerrie’s darling Richie, is an emotional reticent rich man much like Austen’s Darcy; however, Thornton is nouveu riche who lacks the polish of even Darcy’s friend, Bingley, as he still actively “works” for his wealth.  And while he does react to some situations with preconceived notions and attitudes, he is for the most part very unlike Darcy.  Thornton is coming to Mr. Hale in order to learn classical languages and literature.  Despite his wealth and position, he still feels the drive to better himself and acknowledges that there are areas where he is lacking.  To my memory, though Darcy admits to be too inflexible in his prejudice toward others at times, he never shows any belief that he needs to improve either his education or his mind.  Granted, Darcy received an excellent education in youth, but Thornton desire to do so as an adult shows him to be a life-long learner.

Margaret Hale, like Elizabeth Bennett, is part of the middle class, but that is where the similarities end.  Hale’s father is a minister, and therefore, is not landed gentry like the Bennetts.  While there are similarities in the continuing decline of finances in both families, the Hales are far worse off than the Bennetts.  Likewise, Margaret shows none of Lizzie Bennett’s charm or good humor.  She comes to Milton full of a snobbish sense of her own superiority, the superiority of her class, and the superiority of her Southern roots.  She finds quickly that she knows little of use for life in Milton, yet pior to her friendship with Bessie, that only reinforces her snobbishness instead of creating a desire to make amends and learn.  It is only her affection for Bessie which makes her changes not any sense of growing respect for the people around her.  In fact, if not for the examples of Bessie and Nicholas and even Thornton, himself, I doubt Margaret would have grown at all.

The overall stories themselves also possess some deep differences.  Gaskill’s North and South is far darker than Austen’s Pride and Prejudice.  While both are a send-up of the dangers of inflexible prejudice and the mistakes preconceived notions can produce, Austen’s world is much more rose-tinted.  While Lydia does flirt with many of the issues that plague the lower classes in England, it is largely done off to the side of the main narrative.  Margaret Hale and John Thornton are treading water in the very midst of the storm between classes.  There is no hiding the ugliness and brutishness that often plagues life in Milton.  This may be due to the differences in the times in which they were each written, or may be due to differences in authors themselves and their intentions for writing.

While Pride and Prejudice remains one of my favorites, I think that North and South is a far more powerful story.  It examines the vast inequalities between the masters and workers, but more importantly, does not reinforce the class system of England by encouraging its divisions.  It reinforces the interconnectedness of the classes, the success of each is inexorably tied to the other.  It also focus on shattering the illusions the world of each class is built on and shows the actual world they live in for what it is.  No one is allowed to sweep anything under the rug, like de Bourgh, or whitewash anything, as was done with Lydia.  No one is allowed any comfort even at in success, like the newly wedded Darcys.  Ugliness and brutishness and poverty and destruction will always be there to fight—just from a united front now with the newly wedded Thorntons.

PS.  Much to Kerrie’s everlasting, giggling glee, I am now firmly a member of the Armitage fan camp.

Reflections on Hephaestion's Death

This week saw the death of two celebrities: David Bowie and Alan Rickman.  As often happens in such cases, there was a world-wide outpouring of shock and declarations of respect and love for both the men and their work.  I was not a devoted fan of David Bowie, but didn’t mind his music.  I was not a huge fan of Alan Rickman, as more often than not I found him creepy.  It made me wonder how many of these expressions of sadness and regret over the deaths of these two men were genuine as opposed to what was socially expected.  This got me to thinking about Hephaestion.  

At the time of his death, Hephaestion was second in command to Alexander, a position which could be considered equivalent to today’s celebrity.  One would expect to see the sources tell of a tremendous outpouring of regret, sadness, and grief at his untimely death.  Alexander reacts just as we would expect him to act at the untimely death of his closest and most trusted friend.  He immediately goes into wild, deep mourning refusing to leave the body until he is physically dragged from it three days later.  He cuts his hair as well as the hair of all horses in camp.  He orders the sacred flames of the Zoroastrian temples doused, and immediately applies to the Oracle at Siwah to have Hephaestion declared divine.  He plans a massive funeral and monument.  

No one else really reacts.  We do hear of Eumenes rushing to dedicate some things to the “Divine Hero Hephaestion” at a temple, but little else.  From the others were interacted closely with Hephaestion on a daily basis for ten years, Craterus, Ptolemy, Nearchus, and others, nothing is seen or heard.  We have definite cause to be suspicious of the purity of Eumene’s motives as we learn that shortly before Hephaestion’s death the two men were involved in a quarrel that only ended upon Alexander’s intervention.

So, why?  Why does no one else care that Hephaestion was dead?  I suspect it is the result of a couple of different reasons.  Firstly, Hephaestion was a logistical genius.  This is neither a sexy or high profile job when compared to the military exploits of Alexander or some of his other soldiers.  People love to hear of battlefield heroics, but few rarely care who built a bridge.  They only care that it is operation when they need it, then it is out of mind yet again.  Secondly, Hephaestion was a diplomat.  Diplomacy very rarely involves genuine feelings as it often involves working out agreements between two parties of vastly divergent points of view.  Thirdly, no one was closer Alexander than Hephaestion including his mother, Olympias.  In a time where one’s success and riches depended upon the favorable opinion of one’s monarch or leader, this would incite a certain degree of jealousy.  One can image the scorn that those whose talents lay more in the traditional arena of battlefield heroics might have felt to see someone whose talents lay behind the scenes out of view prosper even ahead of themselves.  I seriously doubt any of Philip’s remaining men had much respect for logistics and administrative duties.  

The sources and many since have implied that Alexander’s reaction to Hephaestion’s death was excessive.  I beg to differ, and a close look at the internet this week will bear that opinion out.  If we can be so upset over the deaths of people we have met only through hearing their music or seeing them appear in a movie or play, how much more upset should we be when faced with the death of someone who was in many ways the other half of ourselves?

Alexander's Clothes

The sources mention that one of the things that made some of Alexander's men, especially the old guard, begin to doubt his very Macedonian-ness was his clothing.  After gaining the Persian throne, they mention that Alexander adopted an outfit that was a mix of Macedonian and Persian clothing.  He adopted the Median tunic and the peaked cap of the Persians but kept the sandals of the Macedonian as well as the diadem.  They also specify that he never adopted the pants of the Persians.

Why would what someone wears matter so much, especially to a hard bitten Macedonian soldier?  Clothing is one of the most fundamental ways of communicating.  What a person chooses to wear is a reflection of things such as their personality, their status, the group to which they belong.  It is also a means of non-verbal communication meaning that the literacy level of the people encountered or the language they speak does not matter.  It does not matter if they can read your business card.  It does not matter that they do not speak the same language as you.  Regardless of their native language, most women know that a red sole on a heel means that is a Christian Louboutin.  If a man approaches wearing all black with a solid closed white collar, most people know that man is a Catholic priest.  A person in jeans with a black tshirt that features a large triangle with a crossbar is undoubtedly Echelon!  

Lewis V. Cummings explains in his book Alexander the Great that clothing was very important to the Macedonian aristocracy for one particular reason.  He states that the Macedonian king (Philip in this case) wore no emblem to mark his rank.  Both the king and his Companion (Hetairoi) wore a purple chlamys (cloak), a tunic, and the wide-brimmed causia (hat).  There was little to no distinction between the king and his aristocracy who also enjoyed such rights as freedom of speech before the king.  For these veterans especially, suddenly their king, Alexander, set himself apart from them by changing his clothing.  

Alexander had a reason for this change which further emphasizes this idea of clothing as non-verbal communication.  He chose an outfit that combined the "uniforms" of all the groups within his newly established empire.  This was just a part of his overall plan of joining this disparate groups into peaceful new society.  No longer would it be "Greek" ruling the "Barbarians" that Aristotle had spoken of so long ago at Mieza, but a new mixed society that would spread across the world.  In his men's eyes, Alexander was no longer Macedonian--his new clothes shouted that loudly!  Not only did Alexander's clothing change, but those who favored his pro-mixed policies like Hephaestion also adopted changes.  Suddenly, these veterans found their was a new distance between their king and his inner circle and themselves.  Their very status, their very identity, was being threatened by this new look.  Their king, to their eyes, was no longer Macedonian.

My second published article

This is my second published article.  It dealt with the adaptive reuse of a historic building in the town I was living in at the time.

Hephaestion’s Duties

By alexsrighthand

 

This is a table from Jeanne Reame’s PhD Thesis “Hephaestion Amyntoros: eminence grise at the court of Alexander.  It lists all of Hephaestion’s mentions in the sources and catagorizes what that job is.  As you can see, Hephaestion was continually trusted with important assignments and excelled at logistics and diplomacy.

Hephaestion website, yes or no?

Ok, first a poll.  I am thinking of starting a website for Hephaestion similar to my friend Malcolm’s www.secondachilles.com which focuses on Alexander.  My question is would anyone be interested in such a site?  It would feature info on Hephaestion, pictures of artifacts connected with him, links to sources, and such.  Please comment on this below and tell me yes or no.

As far as the Hephaestion book project goes, it is coming along slowly.  Some health problems have unfortunately kept me from working as quickly as I would like, but hopefully, those are reaching a point where they will no longer cause delays.  I am currently working on Mary Renault’s The Nature of Alexander to see how she presents Hephaestion.  I have read this before and remember that her version is sympathetic with mine, but I wanted to read again in a more conscious and critical manner.

My other main research interest is how clothing is used as non-verbal communication and to establish identity.  After a Skype conversation with a fellow Alexander scholar this weekend, I have a renewed interest in exploring how Alexander’s change in wardrobe so drastically changed his men’s opinion of him and his “Greekness”.  Look for that in the future, and if you have any ideas, by all means, leave those in the comments too.

Review of 'Hephaestion's Journal' by Hannah Saiz

So I know that it has taken far too long to get this review over a 137 page book, but health problems have reared their head.  For that I heartily apologize.  I will, from this point on, once again, try to get these blog posts coming at a much regular rate.

We finally come to our topic, a review of Hephaestion’s Journal.  When I saw this on Amazon, I couldn’t resist even though I suspected it would be horrible as it was only about $8.  It turned out to be exactly what I expected, absolutely horrible! 

My first problem is that this is completely a work of fiction written by a Hannah Saiz, yet everything on the cover, the title page, and book leads one to believe this is an actual historic work translated by a Valintin Numbers.  There is even a story invented on where and how these journals were found.  To the uninitiated researcher, this could create confusion and lead to the belief that this is in fact a true historic document.  I would suggest that the fictional nature be better explained in a much more visible way.

I think the best way to review this will just be to go through the notes that I made.  This work, as mentioned before, pretends to be Hephaestion’s personal journal with notes sometimes appearing in the margin in Alexander’s own hand.  It begins with the childhood under Aristotle’s tutelage and tells the story of Alexander’s taming of Bucephalus, who Hephaestion refers to repeatedly as bad-tempered and almost downright evil to anyone but Alexander and occasionally Hephaestion himself.

Page 28-29 “Bravery does not lie in being fearless; it is trekking over the bodies of your friends, your countrymen, even while terrified you will share their fate. [Doing anything] to succeed.” This quote is attributed to Alexander as he is recounting his adventures in the Battle of Chaeronea to Hephaestion upon his return to Macedon.  This refusal to bow to fear will characterize his Alexander for the first half of the work.

Page 33 Hephaestion implies that at some point Alexander slept at least once with Perdiccas who he refers to as a “pretty boy licentious bastard”.  The accompanying footnote says Hephaestion presents Perdiccas as sadistic but effete.

Footnote on page 43 questions whether Alexander’s temper is due to bipolar disorder or multiple personality disorder.  It goes on to call Alexander vicious, even to the point of killing his own men in a frenzy as evidence.

Footnote on page 44 says “Alexander’s violent tendencies manifested early” and that Hephaestion’s non-violent tendencies are a strange foil to Alexander’s temperament and the vast majority of his close companions.

Page 45 calls Ptolemy as “hedonistic fop”

Hephaestion refers to the rape of some women to show Perdiccas’ sadism

Page 50 calls Alexander and Hephaestion’s comparision to Achilles and Patroclus  as indicating a roman of dubious interpretation.  It also refers to Alexander’s consistent sacrificing to gods and heroes as evidence of his superstitious nature.

Page 53 Footnote claims this section comes after Granicus.  Hephaestion tells of Alexander being tortures by the voices of the dead he claims will not let him be.

Page 55 Alexander questions why Hephaestion is on the expedition telling him that he is not a warrior in spirit.

Page 95 Hephaestion tells of Alexander intercepting letters from Darius to his troops promising untold wealth for Alexander’s death.  Hephaestion sides with Parmenion in saying the men should not be told saying “I would not have you die for some fool to gain a fortune.”  This, the author claims, is supposed to hint at the closeness of their relationship.

Page 97  It hints at an argument between Hephaestion and Alexander where Hephaestion tells him he can no longer proceed as a liberator as he now heads for Persia as you can not liberate a people from themselves.

Page 100  This is where the story of the Sibyl of Apollo is dealt with.  “To Asia’s bountiful eath will come an unbeliever who wears the purple cloak;  a man who is wild, despotic, fiery.  As a storm he shall flash and all Asia will sink under the evil yoke as the earth herself drowns, glutted in blood.”  Hephaestion says the burning of Persepolis proves Alexander has become her prediction.  He says Alexander told he he became a tyrant because the Persians would not believe him to be anything else.  “Since I could not convince them otherwise, I will give them a tyrant they may know how to fear.”

Footnotes 146 & 147  speak of Hephaestion becoming the standard representative for all barbarian people’s interests. 

Footnote 149  says he sees bits of Philip in Alexander and wonders is Alexander does too and and that is what drives him in his eastward quest.

Page 108  Hephaestion says Philotas said he knew Hephaestion would not allow Craterus and Perdiccas to simply invent his confession.  Hephaestion says he is very uncomfortable with the whole affair and even doubts Philotas’ guilt.

Page 110  “Had I tears left in me, I would weep to mourn the passing of freedom, the passing of the man I knew when I was a boy, and the love I yet bear for a memory that has been lost to me.”  Here Hephaestion refers to the growing changes he sees in Alexander, changes he does not feel are for the better.

Page 112  Hephaestion wonders if the damage the death of Philotas does to Alexander will ever be undone or even lessened.

Page 114  Alexander meets Roxane.  The author says Hephaestion’s relationship to Alexander from this point is difficult to determine.

Page 118  Hephaestion tells Alexander he is not a god.  Alexander asks, “Aren’t I?  Aren’t I your god, Hephaestion?”  The author wonders if Alexander means he is Hephaestion’s personal god as in a relationship.

Hephaestion says doubts in the Somatophylakes wounds Alexander more than any enemy weapon he ever encounters.

Page 119-120  This comes after the trail of Callisthenes.  Hephaestion says Alexander is now lost in his own world and will not return to his.

Page 126  This comes after the death of Bucephalus and the army’s refusal to cross the Hyphasis.  Hephaestion describes Alexander as “pale as the linens he wore and far too thin...matted hair, lost eyes…the blue which seemed so bright [had] dulled and the depths of his dark eye [has] lessened.  He looks weary.  Yet this is Alexander, and he would never admit to such weakness.”

As the story goes on, Hephaestion refers to Alexander as mad more and more

Page 129  Following his punctured lung, Alexander rides through his troops.  Hephaestion says, “…Something inside of Alexander has broken, and it is something I am sure I cannot fix.”

These are the notes of things which stuck out to me.  It is a unique version of Alexander with a couple of points that I admit are intriguing to explore but one which overall I don’t think I agree with.  I leave it to you to come to your own conclusions based on what you read.

Alexander and ISIS

Recently, I attended my state’s historic preservation conference as part of my new job.  One of the presentations I attended was given by a man working for UNESCO, the UN’s cultural and educational arm, on ISIS and its current participation in the illegal antiquities trade.  It was simultaneously an extremely interesting and disturbing talk that taught me a lot of things that I was unaware of and that bear sharing here.

You may be asking how ISIS has anything to do with Alexander, or like me originally, you would assume any ISIS having to do with him would be of the Egyptian goddess variety.  However, I am, in this case, referring to the current terrorist organization rampaging throughout the Middle East.  Again you may be asking yourself, “what do Arabs and Islam have to do with Alexander?”  The Middle East (especially Iraq)=Ancient Persian Empire=Empire Alexander conquered=Alex’s stomping grounds.  See the connection now?

Current estimates place the sale of illegal antiquities as the second- or third-highest source of funding for ISIS, and it is not just random looting.  ISIS has created and operates a highly organized system of looting and sale.  Major sites are looted by ISIS troops upon take-over, often before being destroyed to further the group’s public image as cultural cleansers.  ISIS, likewise, encourages the local populations to search for and gather artifacts to use as payment for the hefty taxes ISIS imposes.  

These artifacts are collected in holding camps where auctions are then held on a regular basis.  When a large enough assembly of artifacts are collected, lists of available items are posted on the internet with details for the auctions.  ISIS demands immediate payment for all items then leaves it to the buyer to get them out of the auction locations, usually spot in Syria along the Turkish border.

Current estimates believe that as much as $100 million dollars of antiquities leave Iraq illegally each year since conflict began in that country.  The UN has unanimously passed Resolution 2199 pledging to protect the region’s cultural heritage through coordinated efforts among its signatory bodies.  Text of that document can be found here http://unesdoc.unesco.org/images/0023/002321/232164e.pdf .  Several countries of the Middle East have made further promises in a recent declaration signed in Cairo the text of which can be found here http://www.mei.edu/sites/default/files/publications/CairoDeclaration.pdf

Looting and the destruction of cultural artifacts is nothing new when it comes to war.  Some would accuse Alexander’s army of doing much the same as it marched through the Persian Empire.  My love for Alexander in no way makes me condone looting or seizing or however you wish to phrase such actions.  But my love for Alexander makes this an important issue for me.

I have never been a big fan of Islamic art or even Persian, Assyrian, or Babylonian art.  So at first, I was only a little sad as I think the destruction of any historical item or information is a great loss to humanity.  Then it suddenly occurred to me that artifacts and information related to Alexander could be lost, or even more importantly (to me anyway), related to the already elusive Hephaestion could be lost forever.

While UNESCO has made important steps as seen by these documents, problems remain.  As ISIS has proven, money=power.  Due to some past political issues and laws passed to deal with those issues that have remained on the books beyond their need, the United States stopped paying its UNESCO dues in 2011 following the acceptance of Palestine into UNESCO with full membership rights.  This caused an immediately 22% budget cut for UNESCO directly affecting its ability to put boots on the ground to combat the illegal antiquities trade.

I don’t intend to make this blog a political column or an attempt to convert people to a certain world view.  This issue, however, it think will be of importance to those of us who are Alexandrophiles.  What action you choose to take or not take is entirely up to you.  I just offer the information for your consideration and encourage to read for your own on the internet to form your own opinion.

I also apologize for any errors or lack of sense in this hastily written post.  I have been unwell but didn’t want to put this off any longer.

So up to this point, the blog has dealt primarily with Hephaestion & Alexander, but as promised when first set up, it will deal with other research and other literary things as well.  Welcome to the first of those posts (though Hephaestion does manage to sneak in).  This post is partially inspired by some entries on one of my friend Malcolm's stable of blogs https://hailearendel.wordpress.com/ where he in part chronicles some of his reading choices.  It is also in part inspired by a discussion with both him and another Brit friend with a blog, Kerrie, who can be found at https://confessionsofa20somethingliteratureandmusicjunkie.wordpress.com, about looking at pieces of literature from both a Brit and American perspective and comparing the similarities and differences.  Now the below may not inspire any response in either of them, or any other intelligent person for that matter, but it had flow out here or explode out somewhere else.  

She Walks in Beauty by Lord Byorn

She walks in beauty, like the night

  Of cloudless climes and starry skies;

And all that’s best of dark and bright

  Meet in her aspect and her eyes;

Thus mellowed to that tender light

  Which heaven to gaudy day denies.

One shade the more, one ray the less,

  Had half impaired the nameless grace

Which waves in every raven tress,

  Or softly lightens o’er her face;

Where thoughts serenely sweet express,

  How pure, how dear their dwelling-place.

And on that cheek, and o’er that brow,

  So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,

The smiles that win, the tints that glow,

  But tell of days in goodness spent,

A mind at peace with all below,

  A heart whose love is innocent!

So above is one of my favorite poems of all time and arguably Byron’s  most famous work.  I  first found my way to Byron and the Romantics through Dead Poets’ Society which was a defining movie of my adolescence.  After reading Bryon’s work, I was became a devoted disciple.  Byron saw the Pure Beauty.  Byron was able, perhaps better than almost anyone else, to put a little of it into words.  Here is what I see in what he wrote.

The truest purest form of beauty is a product of night, but not an overcast, deep, or murky night.  It comes from a clear pristine night that features stars, or light, so it combines the best of both the dark and the light into one perfect whole.  It is a tender light that lacks the gaudiness of day or the gaudiness of great surface beauty which entrances but blinds one instantly which one from seeing deeply.  In the dark, things may be hidden from first sight which allows for discoveries to be made if one is willing to walk the path to reach them.  In full light, nothing is hidden; everything is as it seems.  Everything is in sharp relief including blemishes, failings, pain.  It is the perfect balance of dark and light that gives the purest beauty, a little more of either destroys everything.  It diminishes the purity, diminishes the grace, diminishes the beauty, ultimately diminishing its very vessel.  Beauty can draw one in with its surface features, but one must look into the eyes, the smiles, the face to the mind and heart beyond to see the purity of a being which exists in a whole other plane, a place of balance, a place free from  strife, contention, duplicity, and the other ugliness of life.  One sees then a being that is not affected by or even touched by the mire drowning the world around it.  Neither do they look down upon those trapped in its depths.  For part of the Pure Beauty is a need to shares its truths, its precepts, its doctrines with those trapped by the mire.  By sharing, one gives them a chance to extricate themselves, to be free, forever stained, but free.

Byron is a perfect example of this theory of balance.  He lived a life reviled for his lifestyle and personal choices but also lauded for his creation of such beautiful works.  He had some personal habits that could be described as nothing less that dark, but he carried inside him the Pure Beauty, the light of which balanced all that was dark within him.  That light kept him from being one of the masses drowning in the mire, kept him from becoming ugly. 

Sergei Polunin, to me, also seems to be in much the same struggle.  He is a young man beset by demons that seem intent on destroying him through the Death of a Thousand Cuts, yet if one sees him but dance, one sees the Pure Beauty flow through him and out in every move, stretch, bit of choreography.

Jared Leto, Andreja Peijic, Van Gogh, Hephaestion, Thomas Raith.  All beings of great light and great darkness.  All capable of unspeakable horrors but all filled with the Pure Beauty to a state of balance.  All lifted by the balance to a space above the mire.  All who must be protected by those of us trapped in the mire who have sight enough to see and souls enough to realize.  It is a fight against the mire that in the end will take everything we have including life, but that we will fight nevertheless for if we win, if they stay in balance, we may one day be free too—forever stained, for we lack the Pure Beauty to balance us, but free.

First of all, my apologies for the lack of posts.  Fear not.  The Hephaestion book project is by no means dead. It did, however, get shoved to the side the past few months due to life drama.  I hope to get it back on track now.  I have recently gotten a new job, one that is excitingly actually in my career field!  I am afraid that in the past the stress of the hated retail jobs I previously worked often sucked any energy and initiative away.  Happily, this job encourages scholarship.

Likewise, I have been reading a biography of Oscar Wilde.  This is helping to encourage scholarship as well as Wilde was quite the brilliant mind.  He did have a tragic habit of quite callously casting away people when they no longer interested him, but I am endeavoring to not allow that flaw to lessen my esteem.  After all, this is the man who created The Importance of Being Ernest!

I also recently discovered a new wonder of the world, Sergei Polunin, a ballet prodigy from the Ukraine.  If you haven't seen his work, for shame! Immediately open another window and youtube the man!  His connection to the Pure Beauty and its seemingly concerted efforts to drain him of all life have intrigued me greatly.  Expect more to come on him as well.

Last but not least, my dear friend Malcolm, whose Alexander blog can be found at www.thesecondachilles.com, continues to shame me into work with his prodigious, intelligent, and unfailing output.  If I don't catch up soon, I shall be even more shamed when the skype chats resume shortly!

So definitely more to come in the future

PS.  At some point will also be creating a series of posts which will consist of book reviews from both my American perspective and a friend's British perspective.  First, we take on Austen and Charlotte Bronte!

First of all, my apologies to Hephaestion and all of you.  I have had a lot of life drama in the last 6 months that, I am ashamed to say, has caused me to kick my Hephaestion book to the side.  Happily, I find myself in a place where I can not only restart the project but also operating with a new found inspiration for the project.

I don't know if it was the spirit of Hephaestion himself, the Muses, or Apollo, but I have finally been able to decide exactly how I wish to examine Hephaestion's importance and exactly how to explain why he is so underrated.

In the course of my research so far, I have found that many have scoffed at Hephaestion for what they believe to be his lack of skills as a soldier.  They point to the fact that Alexander almost exclusively used Hephaestion for diplomatic or logistical duties rather than those related to battle.  Looking at Alexander as strictly a conqueror leading an army of crack soldiers, they compare Hephaestion to fellow officers like Craterus, Perdiccas, Parmenion, and even Ptolemy Lagides who distinguished themselves on the battlefield and sneer at Hephaestion's supposed lack of soldierly skill.  They accuse Alexander of favoritism in his raising of Hephaestion who supposedly earned nothing by merit.

I disagree wholeheartedly with this view.  I would counter that it is this very skill at logistics and diplomacy that sets Hephaestion above the others.  As history has shown, generals and soldiers able to conquer an empire are not rare by any means.  While I support that Alexander excelled above all others in this area, there have been empires formed throughout history--Roman, Mongolian, Persian, Egyptian, British, Spanish, etc.  What is far more rare are conquerors who can maintain those empires after conquering.  This is where Hephaestion rises above the crowd.

Alexander, a man who had conquered most of the known world and had ambitions to create an more integrated society such as the world had never seen before, turned repeatedly to one man, and one man alone, to help achieve this goal, Hephaestion.  An empire, as well as an army, can only survive if its people are fed, clothed, housed and allowed a degree of autonomy in moral matters.  Lack of any of these causes dissent; dissent breeds instabililty; instability destroys empires.  Hephaestion was trusted time and time again with duties such as establishing and maintaining supply lines to feed several hundred thousand soldiers and their hangers on across thousands of miles, building new towns worthy of settlement in often hostile environmental conditions, important diplomatic missions such as the choosing of new client kings, and even solo commands such as he had in India when Alexander routinely split his forces into thirds.

I maintain that far from being a sub-par soldier who made a career by spreading his legs for Alexander Hephaestion was in fact the most trusted man in the empire.  An examination of a list of duties given to Hephaestion will show that the majority of them are duties that any other conqueror would have done himself.  Hephaestion was trusted to speak in Alexander's name.  Hephaestion made the day to day running of Alexander's empire possible.  Hephaestion was the only one who could keep Alexander's more wild tendencies in check. Alexander's empire did not long outlive Hephaestion.  And the actions and failure of the Successors only brings this point into even clearer focus.

This book will hopefully prove that while Alexander's genius made the creation of such an empire possible, it is Hephaestion's genius that made the maintaining of such an empire possible.  In many ways, it was Hephaestion that made Alexander possible.

I know I talk to a lot of Alexander scholars and Hephaesto-Echelon.  This book is a labor of love and I wish to make it as perfect as possible.  Any thoughts, ideas, and arguments are most welcome.

Alexander the Great and Lord of the Rings

So I've recently been reading Tolkien's Lord of the Rings for the first time at the suggestion of a good friend.  It may be that I can find the Alexander in anything, no matter how mundane and seemingly not related, but I see some parallels between Frodo's quest and Alexander's life.

Frodo is sent on a quest inherited from an older relative--he must destroy a ring found by his uncle Bilbo.  Alexander somewhat inherited his invasion of Persia from his father Philip, though Alexander's vision for that invasion went far beyond Philip's.

Frodo must destroy a power that threatens to rule the world and to right great wrongs done in the past.  He must destroy a ring created by an evil power to enslave all the diverse peoples of Middle Earth.  In destroying it, he must right a past wrong committed by Isildur and his heirs.  Alexander left Macedonia and Greece behind to destroy the Persian Empire, the largest empire in the world at his time, an empire that had "enslaved" numerous peoples under its power.  He also set out to avenge great wrongs done to the temples of Greece as well as failed Greek attempts to overthrow the power of Persia.

But perhaps the greatest paralells I see are in the relationship of Frodo and Sam and Alexander and Hephaestion.  Though Frodo was the chosen Ring Bearer and was ultimately responsible for the outcome of the quest, he would not have been successful had it not been for friends, especially Sam.  It is Sam who puts all thought of himself, his safety, even his own life to the side to ensure that Frodo's quest is successful.  While I will never deny that Alexander achieved great things, I truly believe that what he accomplished was in large part due to Hephaestion's unfailing support and sacrifices.  Hephaestion set all his personal goals and needs aside for Alexander.  His life became about doing whatever he could to ensure that Alexander's desires came to fruition and his needs were met.  It was a committment that would cost Hephaestion everything in the end.

Anyway, just a few thoughts I've been kicking around.  I told you all that this Hephaestion book was never far from my mind!

Updates

So now that I'm sure that you all think I have died or dropped off the face of the planet or some such event, I thought I would take some time to give you all a much overdue update on my current projects.  Some insane personal things have gotten me somewhat off track in the past few months I am ashamed to admit.  However, I should be back on track now.

First off, the Hephaestion book is still very much in the works.  Though I haven't necessarily had the time or ability to sit down and research lately, the topic is never out of my mind.  Ideas and thoughts are constantly churning away and, as Ptollers will attest, Hephaestion constantly crops up in my tweets! Now that I do have time to sit down and research, I'm plotting out some definite plans.  Dr. Reams' dissertation on Hephaestion was a wonderful secondary resource.  I am in the process of going back and reading it while notating the most salient points.  Her take on Hephaestion shares similarities with my mine but a few differences.  As far as primary sources, I am beginning with Arrian as his work, according to current consensus, is the most balanced ancient source available.  What I wouldn't give for a copy of Ptolemy Lagides' or Aristobulus' diary though!

Secondly, a new project is in the works.  Several months ago, I was introduced to the game-changing work of an Serbian-born, Australian-bred, transgender model named Andrej Pejic.  I highly recommend acquainting yourself with him and his work if you are not already so.  This person is turning the fashion world upside down by presenting a completely new and unique "picture" of what it means to be man/woman/human.  I am fascinated by the way clothing is used as nonverbal communication.  Andrej blows all preconceived notions of what a man or woman should "look" like and turns traditional gender roles on their heads.  So, a work examining how clothing, especially specific articles of clothing, have been used throughout history to create the image of "man" and "woman" with Andrej's work as the glass through which these ideas are viewed.  For those of you unfamiliar with Andrej Pejic, I'm enclosing a pics below.  The first is just a basic shot of Andrej that I happen to find interesting.  The second is from a photo shoot which used the androgyny by picturing Andrej as in both "male" and "female" roles in each picture.

Lastly, there is the question of school.  I was supposed to begin a distance-learning program in Classics as the next step to getting that Classics PhD (as all academics know, it's not about what you know but what piece of parchment you can whip out), but the recent craziness has forced me to postpone this.  I guess I will have to keep studying on my own with the fear of making Hephaestion ashamed as motivator instead of grades.

This is what's in the works for those of you playing the home game.  As always, feel free to comment and question.

It ‘s hard to explain what the Perfect Beauty is.  It’s a somewhat amorphous concept while also being infused all around me.  I can see it, but I can’t seem to explain it even though it rules my life with an iron fist.  It is a beauty that demands worship—a worship you can not help, a worship that will eventual consume you.  For what the world does not realize is that once you have chosen to see the Pure Beauty, you are forever bound to serve it.  If you have the ability to see it, you also have the knowledge that it must be protected at all costs. And you have the knowledge that it is the single most endangered thing in the world.  You become a knight bound to protect it even though the fight will eventually consume everything you are and everything you have to offer.  Once seen, it owns your soul for you can never again look away and you can never again forget.

It is in people—people whose beauty is so stunning it causes physical pain.

             

In them, you see the perfection that is possible in life.  Perfection is nearly impossible to find in a world so filled with ugliness, and not just any ugliness but one that sinks into everything until chokes all that is good.  Here in Andrej Pejic and Jared Leto, you see absolute perfection unblemished and untainted.  It radiates holding them above the filth and despair of the world around them.  It seems almost other-worldly as it is hard to believe such perfection could be produced by such a screwed up world. It embeds itself into your soul becoming a part of your being as you will never be able to forget them once you have seen them. 

Apollo was the Greek god of light, music, art, and knowledge.  If he ever existed in human form, he would be Jared Leto.  I mean, hello, Apollo’s mother’s name was “Leto”!  Not only does he represent the physical aspect of the Pure Beauty, but also everything about the spiritual and mental aspects.  His music is transcendant.  The lyrics he writes explain the truths about the Pure Beauty and its role and actions in the world.

His song ”Alibi” is a soundtrack for every knight of the Pure Beauty

No warning sign, no alibi
Were fading faster than the speed of light.
Took our chance, crashed and burned.
No, we'll never ever learn.

I fell apart, but got back up again,
And then I fell apart, but got back up again, yeah.

We both could see crystal clear,
That the inevitable end was near.
Made our choice, trial by fire,
To battle is the only way we feel alive.

I fell apart, but got back up again,
And then I fell apart, but got back up again,
And then I fell apart, but got back up again.
Way-o
Way-o
Way-o
Way-o
Way-o
Way-o

So here we are, the witching hour,
The quickest time to divide and devour.
Divide and devour.

If I could end the quest for fire,
For truth, for love, and my desire
For my desire

And I fell apart, but got back up again.
Way-o
Way-o
Way-o
Way-o
Way-o
Way-o
Way-o
Way-o
Way-o

I fell apart, I fell apart, I fell apart,
I fell apart, I fell apart,
But got back up again.

“Was It a Dream” chronicles the loss that serving the Pure Beauty brings and its inherent transitory nature.  It can be seen and it will make you desire to wrap yourself in it, but it will deny you the ability to ever reach it.  Each time you believe you have finally become a part of it, the dreams dissolves leaving you with emptiness in your soul.

"Was It A Dream?"

Your defenses were on high
Your walls built deep inside
Yeah I'm a selfish bastard
But at least I'm not alone
My intentions never change
What I wanted stays the same
And I know what I should do
it's time to set myself on fire
Was it a dream?
Was it a dream?
Is this the only evidence that proves it
A photograph of you and I
Your reflection I've erased
Like a thousand burned out yesterdays
Believe me when I say goodbye forever
Is for good
Was it a dream?
Was it a dream?
Is this the only evidence that proves it
A photograph of you and I
Was it a dream?
Was it a dream?
Is this the only evidence that proves it
A photograph of you and I
(A photograph of you and I)
Was it a dream?
Was it a dream?
Is this the only evidence that proves it
A photograph of you and I
A photograph of you and I
A photograph of you and I... in love...

Jared is the Pure Beauty incarnate but it comes with a price.  He rarely allows himself to relax, to sleep, to stop the endless quest to learn and create.  One day, I fear the Pure Beauty will consume him as it consumes all.  Will his Apollo-ness save him?

Vincent Van Gogh saw the Pure Beauty and vainly tried to capture it in his art.  The energy he poured into the quest vibrates in his art.  It was a quest that fueled the creation of beautiful art but consumed both his sanity and his life.  The energy and the madness both swirl in the frantic brushstrokes that are so indicative of his work.

His letters speak of his desperate struggle to show the world what he saw, to teach them to see the Pure Beauty, but he remained crippled by madness and poverty.  Not satisfied with just an ear, the Pure Beauty took Van Gogh’s life.

Michelangelo is probably the only one besides Jared Leto who has come to some sort of peace with Pure Beauty.  His art displays all the aspects of the physical perfection created by the Pure Beauty.

                                 

Whereas Van Gogh’s art swirled with its manic desire to capture and explain the Pure Beauty, Michelangelo’s shows the small bit of peace that one can achieve in serving the Pure Beauty once one realizes that the Pure Beauty has chosen to bless them with talent and one accepts that the price of that blessing will be their life-long service as an instrument through which the Pure Beauty will work.  It is not the same as the price as the disciple/knight must give for these lucky few receive the blessings of talent in return.  While the Pure Beauty can never be truly caught, it does very rarely choose to deposit a small part of itself into vessels through which it will work.  Michelangelo produced works of astounding beauty in exchange for a solitary life as a loner.  His poetry speaks of a great capacity to love and his art shows a deep understanding of the Pure Beauty, but as with us all, even though the Pure Beauty deposited a bit of itself in him, it still took all he had, it demanded his very soul.

Mentors

Some more thoughts.  I suppose they have a tendency to ramble a bit, but I felt the need to get them out.  I also find that rambling is a dreaded side-effect of attempting to explain the unexplainable. So, anyway, apologies for any annoyance.

In my last post I spoke of the new world Alexander created--a Hephaestion-shaped world, my world.  I've often spoken of the profound effect these two mentors have had on my life.  However, I realized I may have failed to give equal attention to my third mentor--who is somewhat related to Hephaestion and Alexander and equally as epic.

With this new world Alexander created came the possibility of the perfect person--someone who combines all that was great in Alexander with the very best of Hephaestion.  Enter Jared Leto.  I have known of his work since the very beginning of his career and have always been a fan, but it is only within the last year, especially the last six months, that I realized how profoundly his work touches me.

As I said, I believe in Jared lies all that made Alexander great with all that Hephaestion was.  The motto Jared adopted for himself and his family is "Provehito in Altum" which loosely translated means "launch forward into the deep".  Jared can constantly be found up in the air over a new deep.  According to sources, this is something Alexander did from the time he could form full thoughts and intentions.  It was this very drive that led him to push to the very edges of the known world and beyond being held back only by the fears of his short-sighted army.

Alexander possessed a great thirst for knowledge begun under Leonidas and Aristotle and continued throughout his lifetime.  As he crossed Asia conquering new lands, he conquered new information.  His retinue included all sorts of artists, philosophers, and scientists.  Artistic competitions held equal footing with games.  It is said Alexander himself even directed the treating of some of his men's illnesses and wounds.  Jared, as well, always seems to be learning something new, always seeking a new experience, always reaching for the next horizon, always fighting for a new dream.

Yes, Alexander had flaws.  As amazing as he was, he could be spoiled, petulant, arrogant and out of control.  Jare is no stranger to trouble having been very open about his turbulent childhood and adolescence.  But as Alexander did not allow these parts to define his whole, Jared overcame his troubles to create a new world for himself--a world focused on knowledge, art, and beauty--all the best gifts of Apollo.

Little is known of Hephaestion,  He rarely surfaces in the ancient sources, and when he does, the information is often contradictory or clearly slanted.  I have detailed in previous posts who I believe Hephaestion to be.  Much as Mary Renault said, I believe him to be the most under-rated man in history.  It is a Hephaestion-shaped world for it is a world created by Alexander and its is Hephaestion who tempered Alexander.  It is Hephaestion who ensured that all that was good in Alexander would control the flaws, at least the majority of the time.

As mentioned above, Jared has admitted to doing some horrible things in his early days.  Both he and his brother lived for some time in a world predominated by chaos, violence, and ugliness.  However, something within Jared finally allowed him to look beyond that to the beauty that was in his world and reevaluate his path.  I would like to think that the beauty in his soul finally defeated the demons hiding the potential of life.  He chose to build a new world for himself that focused on creativity.  In creativity, he found art.  In art, he found beauty.  In beauty, he found himself.

Hephaestion seems to be a man who combined a love of knowledge and art with the physical life of a soldier.  He fought for the better part of a decade yet he possessed the ability to organize millions of disparate people into a vast empire and the diplomatic skills to somewhat unite them behind a common set of ideas.  He lived a life on campaign with rough and tumble men, yet he corresponded with philosophers.  He may not have been Alexanders' most militarily-distinguished general, yet he held his own on the battlefield as attested by both his scars and Alexander's trust.

Hephaestion was  man noted for his physical beauty, one of the few things the ancient sources do mention about him.  As striking as Alexander was said to have been, it was acknowledged that Hephaestion was even more so.  Jared has long been known for his as well.  Much to his frustration, I suspect, the often mindless focus on that physical beauty distracts attention from all that is deeper.  For just as Hephaestion's beauty did not define him, neither does Jared's.  Hephaestion remains a man who defies labeling.  Partially because little is verifiably known, but more so I think, because of his complexity.  Labeling brings one certain aspect into specific relief--assigns a certain category--boxes into a preconceived notion.  Jared defies labeling and will challenge anyone who attempts to give him one.  One of his most common encouragements to those around him is to constantly and consistently challenge that very compulsion to label.  The human desire to do so comes from its deep need to understand what is around it for understanding brings control.  For Jared, the journey is the goal, the treasure.  The very point is to not understand or control for that is what brings growth.

Provehito in Altum

Apologies ahead of time as this may ramble a bit, but it's something that has been rolling around in my head for awhile but haven't been able to put adequately into words.  I think I still haven't, but here goes.  And I more than realize that this may be a Hephaestion that only exists in my mind, but it is MY Hephaestion.............

I live in a different universe than the rest of humanity, one guided by twin suns--one named Alexander and one named Hephaestion.  One sun inspires ambition, energy, a need to always conquer, to always learn.  The other calms, tempers, brings balance, brings beauty.

In the life and career of Alexander the Great are the secrets of life.  In him is greatness. In him is immortality.  In Hephaestion is everything that makes all in Alexander worthwhile.  Alexander set fire to the history obliterating everything that came before, creating in its place a world that was not and never would be the same.  But it was a Hephaestion-shaped world.  For, no offense to Alexander who was no mere mortal, everything that made Alexander Alexander was Hephaestion.  He supported Alexander's ambitions and dreams.  He sacrificed everything, including his own life, for those dreams.  While there is little doubt Alexander would have out-excelled all mankind, he would not have gone so far and the journey would not have been as worthy without Hephaestion.

Hephaestion was the greatest of men--a soldier but also a strong servant of Apollo.  He showed that a man could be strong, athletic, physically beautiful, and possessed of great endurance but also intellectual, regal, philosophical, and a lover of beauty.  He balanced two seemingly disparate halves with a transcendent grace.  It is this balance he gave to Alexander and to the world they created.

Alexander was brave, almost to the point of lunacy at times, intellectual, quick-witted, playful, and fiercely loyal; however, he could also be petulant, spoiled, enraged, and occasionally cruel.  Yet one word from Hephaestion could calm all that--often the only thing that could calm all that.  Hephaestion was the axis around which Alexander spun.

My world is more often than not filled with chaos--a chaos in my own head that I can not escape.  Like Alexander, I have grand ambitions.  I have always had a deep and abiding love for history and archaeology which I wish to share with the world.  I want to spread knowledge throughout the world and make it a better place before I leave it.  I believe in Alexander and Hephaestion's desire to create a world that shared culture and knowledge, that broke down barriers.  But I have been cursed with an illness which injects chaos and madness into my world leaving it unbalanced.  So much as Alexander, Hephaestion is the axis around which my world spins.  He brings peace, he brings he brings balance, he tempers the storms.  He pushes me to continue in both his and Alexander's foosteps, even if I often am reduced to crawling, in the dream of one day meeting them in Elysium and hearing Hephaestion say "I am proud of you, my beloved friend.  You have achieved more than Alexander and I could have hoped."

Alexander's world did not function without Hephaestion.  Mine does not function without the pair of them.

(I realize that very little is actually known of Hephaestion.  I have faith, but if I get to the afterlife and find out that Hephaestion was really a douche, I will so incredibly beyond pissed!)